Not Stepping Into Someone Else's Storm

As humans, we are wired to care deeply for the people we love. When we see them struggling, our instinct is to rush in, fix the problem, and make the pain go away. We want to be their hero, their savior, their problem-solver. But what if, in our eagerness to help, we’re actually making things worse? What if the best thing we can do is not step into their storm at all?

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way, both as someone who wants to help and as someone who has been on the receiving end of well-meaning but overbearing assistance. My husband, for example, is a natural “firefighter.” Anytime I face a challenge, he’s right there, ready to extinguish the flames. He means well—he loves me and wants to ease my burden. But sometimes, his eagerness to solve my problems drives me crazy. Why? Because in those moments, I don’t need him to fix anything. I just need him to listen, to be present, and to hold space for me to figure things out on my own.

This dynamic made me realise something important: I was doing the same thing with our children. Whenever they faced a problem, I’d jump in with advice, solutions, and sometimes even take over entirely. I thought I was helping, but in reality, I was robbing them of the opportunity to navigate their own storms. I was sending them the message, however unintentionally, that they couldn’t handle life’s challenges without me.

The truth is, other people’s storms are not ours to solve. When we step in and take over, we risk adding more chaos to the situation. Our emotional involvement can cloud our judgment, and our desire to help can sometimes come across as control or lack of trust. The emotions we are feeling ourselves are simply our own reactions to similar situations we have been through in the past but haven't yet digested!

So, what can we do instead? How can we support our loved ones without stepping into their storms?

The answer is simple but profound: hold space.

Holding space means being fully present for someone without judgment, without trying to fix anything, and without making it about us. It’s about creating a safe container around them where they can feel their feelings, process their thoughts, and find their own way forward. It’s about trusting that they have the strength and wisdom to navigate their storm, even if it doesn’t look the way we think it should, and creating space for them to do so - energetically.

Here’s how you can practice not stepping into someone else's storm:

1. Listen deeply. When someone shares their struggles, resist the urge to offer advice or solutions. Instead, listen with an open heart and mind. Let them know you hear them and that their feelings are valid.

2. Be present. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply be there. Your presence alone can be a source of comfort and strength.

3. Let go of control. Trust that the person has the ability to handle their own challenges. Your role is to support, not to take over.

4. Practice empathy, not sympathy. Empathy means connecting with their emotions and showing understanding. Sympathy, on the other hand, can sometimes feel patronizing or dismissive.

5. Hold Space: Hold the intention of healing. In quiet moments, you can silently hold the intention that the person finds clarity, peace, and resolution. This energetic support can be incredibly powerful.

Not stepping into someone else's storm requires us to step back, to resist our natural instincts, and to trust in the resilience of the people we love. But when we do it, we give them a priceless gift: the opportunity to grow, to learn, and to emerge from their storm stronger than before.

So the next time you see someone you love struggling, take a deep breath and remind yourself: this is not your storm. Your role is not to fix it, but to hold space for them to find their own way. And in doing so, you’ll be offering them something far more valuable than a solution—you’ll be offering them your trust, your presence, and your unconditional love.

Because sometimes, the best way to help someone is to simply stand beside them, quietly and steadfastly, as they weather their storm.

Marie